Giving up dieting is tough, and it’s even harder when you have no idea what you’re doing. It’s a necessary step, though, if you want to stop the restrict-binge cycle.
When I gave up dieting, I was already fed up with going on diet after diet only to gain back everything I lost. Miraculously, giving up dieting was one of the steps that helped me slowly move towards “normal eating behavior.”
Before we get to the steps to stop dieting and eating normally, let’s quickly address what that last part even means.
At the end of this post, there’s also a free ebook on eating psychology that you can download. If you want it now, click here to gain instant access to it!
What Does It Mean to Eat “Normally?”
There is no one-size-fits-all way of eating; but generally, I consider normal eating to include eating when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full.
This is what we intuitively knew as babies, before diet culture (and all the other psychological reasons for overeating) stepped in.
While this might seem basic to some people, anyone currently in the grips of compulsive eating knows what a dream this can feel like!
My journey was not linear at all, which make me panic more than once. I was afraid of gaining weight and afraid I was “doing it wrong.”
After a few years, I took everything I learned and put it together into Psycho-Spiritual Wellness: a path to stop compulsive eating rooted in psychology and spirituality.
I made a video back in the day just for this post. Here are the 5 steps I took to stop dieting and eat normally (my second-most-watched video):
This rest of this post will summarize some of the best tips I’ve gained during my own journey to stop dieting, stop overeating, and stop self-sabotage.
5 Steps to Stop Dieting & Feel Normal Around Food
The road to recovery from Diet Culture looks different for everyone. These steps provide a loose framework to make the process a little smoother.
Here are the 5 steps to stop dieting and find Food Sanity:
Step 1: Eat exactly what appeals to you (including the “good” and the “bad”)
To remove the feeling of obsession and compulsion around food, you need to get rid of all the rules and restrictions.
Lifting the dietary restrictions acts like a powerful form of reverse psychology.
When you give yourself full permission to have anything you want, it actually helps you NOT want it.
This means no more calorie counting. No more bans on particular foods. Instead, all foods are allowed and all foods are equal.
The idea is to neutralize food so that you can listen to your body and let your weight regulate itself.
If the lack of control freaks you out, that’s totally normal. Hopefully you find a little saving grace in the next step.
Step 2: Follow the PSW eating guidelines
Now it’s time to add some structure to help reduce binge eating or overeating.
To stop dieting and stop binge eating, try following the Psycho-Spiritual Wellness eating guidelines. This will help you minimize emotional eating and binge eating.
The eating guidelines are simple yet challenging:
- Eat exactly what appeals to you when you’re hungry
- Stop when you’re full*
- “Feel your feelings” when you’re not hungry
*Obviously, if we could stop when we’re full, we wouldn’t need this advice to begin with, right?! I hear ya! And the next step will help.
Step 3: Develop “emotional tolerance” — a skill far more important than dieting
Emotional tolerance is the most important skill for learning how to stop dieting and eat normally.
It involves increasing your willingness to be uncomfortable. And not in an I’m-going-to-starve-myself kind of way; but in a I’m-going-to-let-myself-actually-feel-my-anxiety kind of way.
I have a tool that will help you get better at both stopping when you’re full and feeling your feelings. It’s called the Stop, Drop, & Feel, and it can help you learn how to stop a binge in its tracks.
Here’s my most-watched video on how it works:
Over-simplified (so I hope you watch the video) explanation: The SDF involves practicing emotional check-ins with yourself whenever you feel compelled to eat when you’re already full.
Step 4: Be prepared to take two steps forward and one step backward
The first stage of giving up dieting is a scary one because some people binge on their previously-restricted foods.
If this happens to you, KNOW THAT IT’S TEMPORARY. Please don’t let this stop you from staying fully committed.
When I first gave up dieting, I was triggered by the lack of control and messiness of the process. I was so uncomfortable that I wanted to go back to counting calories, even though I knew it didn’t work.
(My thought was: at least dieting is straight-forward!) Luckily I stuck to the process and gave it my best shot, and the binges stopped. Eventually I reached my natural weight because I broke the restrict-binge pattern.
The key to getting through the rough, initial phase is to stay committed to allowing all foods. Do not revert back to dieting.
If you revert back to restriction, you will stay stuck in the restrict-binge pattern. But if you binge and don’t restrict after, the pattern will slowly end and you’ll get closer to food sanity.
Step 5: Know the signs of recovery from diet culture (it won’t feel the way you’d think)
Let’s end this article with some tough love:
When I first gave up dieting and focused on “feeling my feelings” instead of overeating… life got worse. At least, it seemed to get worse.
But after a few months, I realized that I was just feeling the emotions that have been there the whole time. It wasn’t that life got worse; it was that I finally opened my eyes.
When you start “feeling your feelings” instead of buffering with food, you may also start to feel more uncomfortable. This is normal.
In other words, if you start to feel worse when you try to give up dieting and practice the Stop, Drop, and Feel, it means you’re doing it right.
I know it’s the least sexy-sounding concept, but it will help you become more resilient and feel normal around food — and that’s the ultimate goal.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask me for help. I love coaching people through this stuff — it’s what I do!
And if you want to dig even deeper into this process, grab the free 13-page ebook below. It includes a free 5-day course in Psycho-Spiritual Wellness to catch you up to speed!
Originally published April 13. 2018 // Last updated August 8, 2020
Thanks for the great read. I just have a question. I’ve tried intuitive eating for a few weeks and I found that I only hit about 1300/1400 cals a day which is waaaaay under my BMR (1480) and TDEE (2000). Should I try and get my cals up to par before intuitive eating?
Thanks!
Hi Loreli! Sorry I didn’t see your comment sooner! Don’t worry about doing anything before you start intuitive eating. I would start now. “Getting your cals up” is just your mind finding ways to continue to dictate the way you eat. If you are truly listening to your body, and you end up eating under your BMR, then that’s what your body needs right now. Perhaps it’s achieving balance. As long as you truly listen to your body, don’t worry about anything your mind has to say about what you’re doing. I hope this helps. Feel free to comment or email me if you have any more turbulence on your road to intuitive eating 🙂
Hi Kari,
Great post, I enjoyed it very much. I wanted to share with you that I’ve been dieting for two years now, and developed a binge eating disorder because of that. I’ve lost a lot of weight succesfully, but gained it again and even more.. this cycle happened 2 times. Recently I stopped counting calories because I went on vacation with my friends, and could mantain my weight. But now I wanted to cut a little bit more and ended up bigeing like 12 days in a 3 week period. My issue is that I’m actually working as a model and I’m afraid of gaining too much weight. But today I binged again and decided I had enough, as for tomorrow I will eat whatever I want and until I’m full. Just wanted to share my story, your story has inspired me.
Thank you,
Felipe
Hi Felipe! Thank you so much for your honest comment. I totally get you. I know exactly what the pressure to be thin is like when your job revolves around your looks. That’s tough, and you are very strong! Please keep me posted on how the process of giving up dieting goes for you. I’d love to help support you. Sending my best wishes!! xoxo Kari
Hi! I have a couple questions about learning how to eat when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full. What if you aren’t sure how to do that? Are there certain steps/questions to ask yourself every time you eat? Are there certain signs? I’m not sure what hunger and fullness feels like and often times don’t know what in craving because of 10+ years of restricting and being unhappy with my body. I’m in the process of learning new skills and trusting myself again. I’ve made huge progress, but it’s just about fine tuning some areas of my life. Is there a food journal you recommend? I’m learning how to get to know myself again and just need some guidelines. All that you’ve written makes complete sense and resignates with me. I’m just wanting some tools to get me started. Do you recommend using a hunger scale? Thank you.
Hi Lexie! Thank you for your comment. I understand that it can be a little tough to get reacquainted with hunger/fullness after years of dieting. My recommendation is to get the book called Why Weight by Geneen Roth. That book was hands down the most helpful tool on my personal journey. In there, you’ll learn about the hunger scale she recommends, and the food journal she uses too. For now that’s the best place to start! Best of luck on your journey and I am so happy to have you here 🙂
Hi! Sounds like we got off the dieting train around the same time. For me the most helpful trick was to srop weighing myself. Once I dissolved my relationship with the scale and thinking I had to be a certain number then suddenly I was able to stop focusing on calories and then I was finally anke to listen to my body. You are so right, the timeline should be forever and no looking back. If I could bottle up the deeling of freedom I now have and sel it I’d be a millionaire. Nothing compares to the diet free life! Love your blog!
Hey Ryan! Thank you so much for the awesome comment! I am super happy for you. Quitting dieting is a huge accomplishment 🙂
Okay here goes. I completely buy into the idea of intuitive eating. Mindfulness is so important in everything we do. My question is, as a mom and wife who works full time how do I make the logistics work. If what my body is telling me to eat, is not something I currently have in the kitchen….then what? I know eventually I will learn my body and I imagine it will fall into a routine, but what do I do until then. I know this seems silly but I need some sound advice as I embark on this journey. Thank you so much for you blog. It’s exactly what I have been looking for.
These are great questions Kami! To answer your first question, intuitive eating does require more frequent trips to the grocery story.
Although, instead of having dietary restrictions around allergies, it sounds like you may have restrictions around time.
Your second question is trickier, so I emailed you some follow up questions 🙂
My biggest problem is I actually get anxiety while I eat. Doesn’t matter if it’s “diet” approved or a binge food. How do I control the anxiety while I am attempting to eat intuitively? It gets so bad that after one meal, I won’t feel hungry the rest of the day, the anxiety lingers and I feel sick and bloated all day. I can go 3 days without eating and not “feel”hungry. Just bloated and sick. I’ve been attempting the intuitive eating for about a year and every time I go back to the carb counting, but now even that is causing anxiety when it used to alleviate it. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Melissa, this is a tough one. I know what anxiety is like, and unfortunately the advice here will actually make your anxiety worse… until you build up your emotional tolerance and it will start to go down. But getting started can be really tough. If you want to sign up for my newsletter and hit reply, you can get in touch with me that way, and I’m happy to dig a little deeper on this with you (no strings attached since coaching is closed right now 😉 best of luck my dear! xoxo
I just loved your post! So great, and it arrived to me at the exact moment I needed it.
I feel like i have been binge eating my entire life. Or at least since I was a teenager, when my body started to change. I have always been ‘big’ and I assumed (as a lot of us women in this society) that I will always take care of what I eat not to get even bigger. Since then, I have been always worried about what I eat and that turnes out in incredible weight fluctuation. Living like this is so stressfull and so frustrating. These days i have been eating a lot and feeling like crap. Promissing me to start all over in a tomorrow that never arrived. Finding your article blew my mind. I will try your method and hope it works for me. Thank you so much!
Hi Anna! Thank you so much for sharing this. You seem like a courageous person! I hope you will keep me updated on your progress ????
Hi Kari! I love reading your newsletters. I’ve been dieting since I got out of high school (about 5 years) I lost the weight and kept it off for about 2 years but I always felt like I was white knuckling it a little bit and would “slip” at times and go a little crazy. I developed bingeing along the way because I had an all or nothing mindset. I’ve recently been trying intuitive eating and it’s been HARD. It’s only been a couple weeks but I feel like my binges have become worse and more frequent which makes me want to go back to a diet even more (especially because I feel selfconsious about my weight and want to lose). I have fears that I will never lose the weight and get back where I want. I want to have food freedom but I think I get impatient. I tell myself “I should lose the weight and THEN find peace with food”. Any advice???
I tooootally get this. I think we ALL get this. The whole “wanting to lose weight FIRST and THEN find peace with food” is an understandable desire, but it can be a sticky trap. The peace with food HAS to come first. I would encourage you to look at the deeper psychological blocks to giving up dieting to begin unraveling this conundrum. You can reference my blog and especially my emails if you want to dig deeper. I hope this helps!
This really did help, thank you SO much!
This has made more sense than anything I’ve ever read about eating. I’ve had a complicated relationship with food my entire adult life and I’ve just started to realize during an acutely stressful point in my life that I resort to binge eating when times are toughest. My mind recently started to go to the place of planning a restriction of some sort to “fix” the damage done by recent binge eating. In searching for a healthy method, I found your site. THANK YOU!
I’m terrified to try this “feel my feelings” thing, but I also know I have to do it if I’m ever going to heal.
Thanks for the awesome comment Jennifer!! I’m glad you’re here 🙂 I hope you’re having good success with the “feeling your feelings” thing — it’s the game changer!
Hi Kari,, I’ve been counting calories for a couple of years now and it’s become very tough with the restrictions I have on myself and anxiety towards gaining weight back. Your page really spoke to me! And I want to feel better around food. I was always a very slim athletic build and could eat however I wanted. Until a few years back when I quit my job for a few months and continued to eat unhealthy..I gained 40 lbs out of nowhere and it horrified me. I felt disgusting and unattractive. I stared calorie counting and over time brought my weight back down. At one point I gave up dieting and gained 10lbs back like nothing. So I panicked ran back to counting and have done it ever since while allowing myself one binge day per week. But lately I find it harder and harder to stay within the calorie count and the cravings are driving me nuts. I’m tired of this stress. But terrified of the scale. I weigh almost daily to ensure I’m not gaining weight back and I know me. I won’t be able to stop doing this. I’m mindful of how I look and feel daily. In a spiral and I don’t know how to proceed. I don’t know how to trust myself not to overdo it and get back to that horrible place where I wasn’t a decent weight. I could really use some guidance and reassurance?! Thank you!
Hi Sandy! I feel awful that I did not see your comment sooner. I hope you’re doing better these days! I wonder if my article on how to stop obsessive calorie counting would help? And I definitely think the Stop, Drop, and Feel would help too. Send me an update if you get this. i hope you’re on my newsletter because I’m much easier to reach for questions that way.
xo
I am scared to eat intuitively, because I’m so used to so many “forbidden” foods. If I buy a box of Milano cookies, I will certainly eat the entire box, and then feel guilty and/or sick. How do I allow myself to keep those cookies or ice-cream in the kitchen, and not totally binge?
Start with the Stop, Drop, and Feel before challenging yourself with forbidden foods 🙂
Hi,
It’s been two months since totally gave up dieting, I have been dieting for over 20 years and in the process lost and gained so much weight but came to a point my body was just done and won’t respond to any diets. I noticed with allowing myself to have anything I want, I don’t binge. However I finally gave in and weighed myself since its been two months and I was just so curious. I gained 12lbs in two months and I can’t help feel scared of just continuing to gain a lot of weight. I came off of being on keto for over a year so I knew I was gonna gain a fair amount because my body would hold on to carbs for dear life. please give me your insight on this. before I mind f____ myself into going back into dieting. I came so far to give up now.
Hi Stephanie! I think your thoughts are spot on. And my advice is to focus on developing emotional tolerance as best you can. When there’s so much noise with what to eat, it helps to focus solely on the feelings part, and let your body slowly get back to equilibrium. I am sorry I didn’t see your comment sooner, and would love an update! I hope you’re doing well.
xo
Hey,
I’m 18 years old and I’m 5’1 tall and I weight about 37kgs or 38kgs. I eat everything but in small portions cause I’m afraid to gain weight. For the last 1 month I’m feeling so tired, dizzy and I can feel pain in my muscles and bones. I can’t play with my sisters they can run fast but I can’t.. And today I went to a doctor he said that I’m too weak and look like a stick.. And he gave me vitamins syrup and calcium supplements. And told me to eat more foods and also advice me to add some fried parathas to eat in breakfast with egg. But I’m afraid that I will gain weight. Please give me some advice. Btw I consume 850-950 calories a day..
Dearest Sabi, I am sending all my love to you. Please go see a therapist and/or a specialist at an eating disorder clinic. You are underweight and undereating and I think it’s time to seek help from someone other than a doctor.
Kari, thank you. I knew there was Physcology behind my binge-eating (let’s face it, Physcology explains every reason why someone is how they are) but I feel like your blog has helped not feel ALOT! I LOVE eating healthy and exercising like crazy. I want to be healthy and not suffer with diseases that my family have from food and unhealthy living. Ive been on this binge way too long and I’ve even gone to counseling behind it. Writing always helps, and I am also using your “stop, drop, and feel” method and I even shared it with my CrossFit Ladies Only Facebook group! Had great feed back. Growing up I wasn’t allowed to play until I finished my food, my brother would also force me to finish my food bc he would guilt me saying that children in Africa were starving. When I get anxious I just shovel the food without tasting-that chocolate cake-it went straight to my thighs. I also love how you say that wasting food in your mouth is just as bad as putting it in the garbage! Thank you!!! I wish I had a support system, but the people that probably do have the same binge eating as I do I don’t think have the drive to fix it like I do. 🙁
Hi Teri! I toootally relate to the fear of wasting food. I even wrote about that particular type of guilt in my post on wasting food. No wonder you like my approach 🙂 as we are so similar! I am replying to you way too late, and I hope that you’ve found some support since writing this. I also hope you’re on my newsletter so that we can keep in touch that way.
xo
Thank you for this helpful read!! I’ve been on and off dieting for quite a while now, and I have been consistently skipping dinner for a bit that now I don’t even really feel hungry anymore. I would like to boost my metabolism so that I can eat like I used to and not worry about gaining weight, but I am so scared to do so! Do you think it would help for me to go back eating three regular meals a day again? Would my body react to this change and start burning more calories? Thank you so much!
Hi Gary! Instead of trying to fit your eating into 3 square meals a day, try to eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full. And let that take whatever shape it wants to take! Maybe some days it happens to be 3 meals. Other days might involve 6 small meals. Try to get back in sync with your body’s natural rhythm.
I’m just trying to quit calorie counting after doing it for 9 years. I want freedom but now that I’ve quit I feel like I’m going to put on a ton of weight and I feel like I don’t even know what to eat anymore. My mind keeps yelling at me to go back. I hope the chaos calms down.
Breathe, and don’t panic 🙂 you got this!! As long as you’re making the SDF your #1 focus, you’ll do great.
This is me me me. I’m so tired of restricting, counting calories and having feelings of guilt. I would love any help you have to offer.
Thanks Amber! I have tons of free resources on my blog and YouTube 🙂
Hi Kari,
I read your article yesterday and was amazed at the quick turnaround. And now that I’m relearning how to listen to my body for signs of hunger rather than eating my feelings away. I find I’m hungry late in the evenings. My question is how long do I wait before going to bed? A Google search suggests 3 hours but I’ve about given up on conventional wisdom and would be more inclined to listen to someone who’ve been where I am now.
Hi Venus! My answer would be, if you’re hungry then you should eat. If your goal is to stop eating a few hours before bed, then it might help to look at how much you’re eating throughout the day. Getting hungry late at night might imply you’re not eating enough throughout the day. Try paying attention to this and let me know if it helps!