After 2 years of not-dieting, I binged again & wanted to start dieting again. Here’s how I got through it with grace

Confession time: I binged again. It sucks.

And it sucks even more lately because I feel like someone who teaches others how to stop binge eating can’t be a binge eater herself!

“I can’t be doing this. It’s my freakin job to not do this!” my mind shrieks.

Sheesh. Talk about a double-whammy of shame.

Today I’d like to share why my latest long-term binge happened and how I got through it unlike any binge before.

I hope you find it helpful if you struggle with binge eating too.

Let’s start from the beginning.

Why I binged again: My “gradual binge bender” of 2018

About 3 weeks ago, I went on a gradual binge bender, which is my term for overeating a little each day for a long period of time. This one lasted about 2 weeks.

My gradual binge bender led to some weight gain, some bloat, and a lot of panic.

This is the first time that a long-term binge has happened since I gave up dieting back in 2016, so panic-mode was fully engaged.

I was struggling with feeling like a fraud and other heavy emotions around my behavior.

When you couple my shame with the feelings that I was already not feeling (because that’s what every binge stems from: uncomfortable feelings that you’re trying to numb), I was about to face a whole mountain of pain.

Gulp.

But this is what I signed up for, right? Feeling your feelings is the bedrock of Psycho-Spiritual Wellness, so yeah, this is EXACTLY what I signed up for.

Knowing how to stop binge eating, but not doing it

When I started the binge bender, I was hyper aware of what was happening, so I busted out my tools.

As you know, the Stop, Drop, and Feel (SDF) is my favorite method for stopping a binge in its tracks.

It simply involves getting curious about your feelings when you’re on a binge, and choosing to feel those feelings instead of numbing with food.

This is my favorite tool because it works! I’ve had countless people send emails telling me so. And I don’t say that to brag, but to encourage you to actually try it, because it sounds weird but that’s why it works!

Here’s a video on how it works:

Sometimes the discomfort is too high to be willing to feel your pain, though. This was my case these last few weeks.

I had just moved into a new apartment that had more quirks than I hoped; sustained a knee injury that kept me from my favorite things (like surfing!); and felt stuck with a heavy case of loneliness.

Enter: food.

As the binges slowly started happening, I was aware of it. But I couldn’t stop. Many of us know this as being in awareness hell.

Each time I ate past fullness, I knew it was because I was so freaking uncomfortable that I was seeking comfort (and distraction) from food.

And I couldn’t stop, it seemed.

After I binged again, I panicked and considered jumping to the “safety” of dieting

I knew it was my feelings that were driving the binges. I knew that I just needed to sit with the discomfort instead of eating.

But my brain was saying one thing and my body was doing another. The pain was just too high. I kept eating.

And once I kept it up long enough to see my pants fitting tighter and my face getting rounder, I became completely panicked and considered restricting my diet…

Diet mentality came in full swing: “Maybe I should just eat keto for a few days. That always helps me get rid of bloat and shed weight quickly. That’s not a diet. That’s just healthy, right?” (This isn’t true, by the way. Any restriction is still a diet to me.)

Something was different this time, though. Instead of getting seduced by the control of dieting, I decided to test my strength.

Rolling up my sleeves, and practicing what I preach

As I trudged through the heavy sludge of emotion, I tried my hardest to stay committed to not dieting, since I know that dieting always leads to binges. (This is a pillar of Psycho-Spiritual Wellness.)

To remind myself of why I started this journey, I wrote this letter to myself (and anyone else thinking about dieting again) to stay focused. And I practiced the SDF a lot.

I spent the last few weeks with large chunks of alone time, just lying on my bed and letting my emotions wash over me. For long stretches each afternoon, it was just me and my inner dragons, going face-to-face.

And you know what happened? I didn’t die like I thought I would. And I don’t even feel dramatic about saying that because we eat the way we eat for life-saving reasons.

And don’t get me wrong: I felt like crud. No one likes feeling lonely or ashamed, but I made the choice to feel those feelings instead of numbing them; to open instead of close; to grow instead of recoil.

And I survived. And most importantly, the binges ended and my weight is starting to normalize and I did the whole thing without resorting to dieting.

[Since everyone is afraid that not dieting will lead to weight gain, I will update this post if my weight goes back to where it was before this — and I’m confident it will, without dieting.

Update 7/29/18: It worked. It took about 2 weeks for my weight to normalize, which was actually much faster than I thought! I am back into my regular clothes, and I got here without dieting. If I can do it, you can too!!!]

This was a HUGE win since, every time that I have panicked about bingeing in the past, I answered my panic with restriction.

This time was different. Why?

I stopped binge eating by developing “grit”

As I’ve practiced the SDF for the last couple years (with extra diligence the last 6 months) I’ve rewired my brain to develop what I call “emotional tolerance.”

Emotional tolerance involves your willingness to be uncomfortable without getting swept away by it. In Positive Psychology, they refer to it as grit.

Some synonyms for grit are: courage, bravery, backbone, strength of character, toughness, determination, tenacity, and endurance.

Aw, yeah. That sounds badass, and I feel badass. It took so much hard work to develop this trait! And it’s not a one-and-done thing. It’s a decision I have to make on a regular basis to choose to face my inner dragons instead of protecting myself with (the false illusion of safety that comes with) a diet.

Whatever you repeatedly practice is what your brain gets good at. We are all working against our brain’s primal seek-pleasure-avoid-pain wiring. It takes mega effort to feel your pain instead of reaching for pleasurable foods.

Fortunately, you do have control over what your brain is skillful with. And we can become emotionally tolerance the more we practice the Stop, Drop, and Feel. (Instead of becoming trapped in the yo-yo dieting cycle where the only skill we’re practicing is restriction.)(

By training in feeling uncomfortable, I got better at feeling uncomfortable. Sounds weird, but also makes perfect sense! And isn’t this a relief?

It means you don’t need to be born with tough skin to develop grit. You don’t need to be raised by a military family to be a badass.

You can build grit from scratch with your very own hands. The SDF is perfect for this.

My Lesson & Message for You

Here’s a short and sweet summary of my experience:

Giving up dieting was one of the best decisions of my life.

Choosing to feel awful instead of reaching for food is a decision that I have to make on a daily basis.

They are both really good decision.

They help me stay sane around food and bounce back from binges much quicker, without falling into the restrict-binge-restrict-binge pattern.

If you’d like to learn more about this unique approach to stop overeating, grab my free ebook below that explains more about Psycho-Spiritual Wellness: