Overeating Is How We Abandon Ourselves, and Self-Care Is How We Find Ourselves

Overeating isn’t a problem – it’s a symptom.

Like all symptoms, it’s best to address the root problem in order to find a lasting solution.

The idea that I’m about to present may sound crazy (bonkers, if you will) when compared to all the conventional wisdom out there. But in this case, crazy just might work.

Here’s my crazy idea: Overeating is caused by self-abandonment.

There seems to be an intimate and painful connection between overeating and the inability to stay with yourself. Hopefully, by shining some light in this area, we can evolve in ways we never imagined.

Overeating and Self-Sabotage

Why would we abandon ourselves in the first place?

In my humble opinion, self-abandonment happens because life is painful, and food helps soften that pain. For example, when we feel anxious, food helps calm the nerves.

While food offers an excellent coping mechanism (truly!) it can become problematic when we repeatedly reach for food when we aren’t hungry.

This often looks and feels like self-sabotage.

For example, let’s say that you’re someone that struggles with loneliness. While the activities of your day might keep the loneliness at bay, it often becomes heightened at night, when we’re alone in bed.

Without knowing it, we feel pulled towards the kitchen. Somehow, someway, we end up standing in front of the fridge, grazing on foods we don’t even care for.

This is self-sabotage! Furthermore, this is how we abandon ourselves. We reach for food to numb the pain instead of sitting with the loneliness and letting ourselves feel that feeling.

Returning to Center

If the root cause of overeating is self-abandonment, then the solution is to come back to ourselves over and over again.

The best way to do this is to take care of yourself.

By taking care of yourself, you bring the attention inward and return to yourself. While this also brings attention to the unwanted emotions, it’s important to feel these feelings.

This is what my popular method to stop binge eating — called the “Stop, Drop, & Feel” — is all about. I’ve found that when we make space for uncomfortable feelings (like anxiety, loneliness, stress) it takes the edge off the compulsive desire to overeat. It’s simple but difficult, so be sure to read more about how it works because it’s my #1 tool to stop binge eating!

I’ve also found that it can be powerful to couple the Stop, Drop, & Feel with self-care. Perhaps it’s because self-care can feel indulgent — and that’s a great alternative to indulging in food when you’re not hungry.

If you’re someone that puts others before yourself a lot, you probably don’t indulge in self-care too often, and food might become the indulgence later.

Also, note that I keep saying “when you’re not hungry.” This is important!

It’s important to allow yourself to eat the foods you want to eat when you’re hungry — even if it’s indulgent. This is how we overcome binge eating long-term. Permission to Eat is another critical aspect of eating psychology.

Pain Is a Path Leading Back to Yourself

Self-care is a particularly appealing “replacement” for reaching for food when you’re not hungry because it’s not quite an escape. And that’s what we’re all searching for when we reach for food late at night: escape from feeling awful.

Self-care forces you to be with yourself, and this is the essence of Psycho-Spiritual Wellness (the path to stop binge eating focused in psychology, not dieting).

The more you are able to stay with yourself when things get rough, the more you will be able to avoid abandoning yourself.

To make it weirdly specific, the more you practice self-care, the more you will be able to avoid throwing yourself into a bag of cheddar rice cakes at midnight when you actually feel lonely but don’t want to actually feel lonely.

Consider it mental training in being with yourself.

It Was Always a Feeling

Self-care is a great practice because it requires paying attention to yourself.

Since the desire to eat when you’re not hungry is all about escapism and abandonment, it’s a powerful move to turn inward when you’re feeling compelled to eat when you aren’t hungry.

The next time you feel like eating late at night when you aren’t hungry, stop and ask yourself what form of self-care sounds indulgent. Then, try doing that instead.

And if it doesn’t work, this is just one slice of the Psycho-Spiritual Wellness pie! To learn more, check out the free ebook below, which includes a free 5-day course in Psycho-Spiritual Wellness to catch you up to speed.