Somehow, someway, at some point in time… Some of us made the mistake of confusing the shape of our bodies with our worthiness of belonging.
Often by accident, our thinness (or lack thereof) became the factor that determines how much connection we are allowed to feel (or not feel)…
And so much more baggage comes with this.
Perhaps we believe that once we’re thin, people will like us more; coworkers will respect us more; romantic interests will take interest; friends will flock to us.
All of these things have something in common: a craving for belonging.
But before we can find true belonging, we need to step down from the fantasy; because many of our beliefs around being thin are simply not true.
Here’s what is true:
Our sense of belonging should have nothing to do with the shape of our bodies.
We are all worthy of love and connection whether we’re thick or thin. But we can’t feel truly connected until we do the inner work. And this inner work is an urgent priority.
Because not only are we delaying our own sense of belonging until our bodies look a certain way, but we’re also subconsciously denying ourselves a basic human need before we get there: connection.
Human being are wired for connection. We evolved to work together in tribes.
Your worthiness for connection should not be determined by your looks. But even though I’m saying this — and you’re reading this — does not mean that you and I will both suddenly think,
“Oh, duh. I’m totally worthy of belonging. Done. Checked that box.” We all know it’s not that easy. The unraveling takes so much more.
A good first step could be realizing the innocence in your actions…
Of course you want to be thin! Of course you have a goal weight in your head! Of course you assume people will like you once you have a perfect body!
We live in a culture that has drowned us in messages that say, “Being thin is amazing. Being pretty will make you popular. Looking perfect will earn you love and affection.” The only logical thing for your subconscious brain to do is put 1 and 1 together.
So if you feel shallow for wishing you were thin, news flash: You’re not shallow, you’re HUMAN.
You evolved to crave a sense of belonging (for your survival, no less) and our culture has taught you to equate thinness and prettiness as the golden ticket.
So no one’s to blame if you spend all day thinking about food; if the number on the scale messes with your head; if you’ll do anything and everything to get where you want to go. You’re just doing what you’re wired to do.
And here’s the good news: because you’re human, you also have a very special talent: free will.
You have the ability to choose.
And I’m not saying that you need to “just choose” to stop wishing you were thin; or “just choose” to stop eating chocolate when you’re not hungry.
Because if we could “just choose” that, none of us would be struggling.
The choice we have involves our willingness to be uncomfortable; our willingness to hold space for our own unraveling. Kind of like a caterpillar turning into mush before it becomes a butterfly.
True belonging never had to do with your looks. Instead, it requires a willingness to make yourself vulnerable and act with authenticity — particularly in the moments that you really don’t want to.
It means having the difficult conversation; leaning into the difficult emotions; and also other things that don’t hurt, like laughter and joy and happiness.
A vulnerable, connected, authentic life comes with both kinds of emotion.
The shape of your body has nothing to do with any of that.
Being pretty and thin are not the price you pay to take up space on this planet.
You are enough exactly as you are. And even if you can’t quite feel it yet, keep putting positive power to the things you can control:
Your willingness to be uncomfortable; to feel love and laughter and joy; and be authentically YOU.
The end. If you’re new around here, I think you’ll really love my free ebook below: